hear me cry laugh scream rant.

forever?

2008-09-06T04:22:00.000-07:00

if i could no longer be with you..

how would you want me to remember you?

i really thought it's gonna be forever,
deon.

p.s i am a lousy blogger, i update SO irregularly.

what i meant when i said.

2008-07-25T05:57:00.000-07:00

what a week it has been!

that dark knight is so far the BEST summer blockbuster that i have watched, courtesy of sean. :)

then it was 'open-your-eyes-sean's' birthday lunch on saturday at sun with moon (wheelock's place), courtesy of sean again. it's becoming my top-notch, favourite place for good Japanese food.

the rest of saturday was spent in way which i would describe as 'therapeutic', i have never used my card so many times in a day, (actually it's only twice) haha. but watching javier and yew jin splurge on zara, a/x was exciting, not forgetting to mention the amount of fun we had while picking out a prom night shirt for birthday boy at ted baker's.

*deon chases sean back into the changing room.

i decided to make my way promptly back to jb that night, and after 1.5 hours of travelling by MRT and bus, i reached the checkpoint just to realise that i had forgotten to bring along my passport. i went 'WOW', and then i allowed myself to enter
'self-loathing' mode until i cabbed back to novena.

us education fair on sunday allowed me to learn more about studying in the states, and honestly i think those 4 'bumping-around' years and money can be put into better use to study in uk.

and of course i have been doing my homework (background research) *winks. :)

monday was unfortunately the worst day of the schooling week, tuesday and wednesday went by with minimal effort.

after watching notes on a scandal, i have decided to name the best day of my week as the 'golden star day', and the G-S-Day was thursday, because not only did it include making smores for charity cafe, we also got to cut up little froggie during biology practical, and most importantly, it's our 8th month. :)

thursday night didnt end too well sadly. knee injury and heartache can really screw you up at the same time.

simple, productive friday spent making final touches to my EE, and includes the FINAL submission of world lit assignment, and now i am rewarding / drowning myself in episodes of SATC.

it's been an awfully quiet day for US. hope yours went well.

i never knew i was capable of jealousy.

'When you walk away,
you dont hear me say.
Please oh baby, dont go.
Simple and clean as the way you make me feel tonight,
it's hard to let it go'

i dont think life is quite that simple,
deon.

the mattress that never existed.

2008-07-12T06:16:00.000-07:00

the week went by with lots of free period throughout the day, which made me realised that not having tok / sl2 periods kinda made the days uneventful. but hey, i'm not complaining about free periods.

the whole drama thing is spiralling out of control. warned you not to play with fire lest you get burnt, but you just wouldnt listen. and now with the people once close to you leaving you one by one, THINK again - was it worth it?

i detest people who develop this bad habit, and was even more disgusted when you promised me that you would stop but ended up in a worsen situation.

the fact that ,

you treat our genuine concern and care for you as a outlet for more possible drama,

ditch us for unnecessary people when you claim that we are your good friends,

and refusing to admit that you've made a mistake from the beginning

just served to put everyone else off.

i REALLY wish i could help you, and i am still your friend, i dont wish to see our close knit be shattered because of this.

i can only pray for you.
________________________________________________________________________

D: Do you mean the sports brand 'everlast'?
S: NO, 'everlast' is US.

:D

i need YOU so badly in my life that it seems like you've become part of my breathing mechanism.

your fav duck rice place was lovely,
deon.

and then i cried.

2008-07-08T06:01:00.000-07:00

the inertia to get to school was actually so overpowering today that i figured the only way to get to school was via a cab.

lots of free periods today, with maths and business lessons out of the way, i had a relatively easy 'off-day'.

it finally feels so right so not have any more SL2 periods which means i get to leave school at 4 latest like everyone else.

i get to eat trashy food because it was a crappy day.
___________________________________________________________________________

the emotions and frustration got so overwhelming that when YOU called, i just felt like jumping straight into your embrace and just let everything else slip away.

all i want, is to receive your smses like YOU used to send me throughout the day. they kept me going, kept me smiling, kept me thinking of YOU.

YOU're turning this rational being into someone irrational,

someone who takes the plunge with his feelings,

someone who spends the day wondering if YOU love him as much he loves YOU,

someone whose world would collapse if YOU ever left him.
___________________________________________________________________________

let study group take my mind off all those nasty sad thoughts.

its the final leg of the race, and i've gotta finish it properly.

do it once, do it right,
deon.

halo kitty.

2008-06-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

i am only the person you make me to be.

i have a thought - that you see me as an intelligent, compassionate and emotional partner to you.

i am thankful that you paint such a beautiful personality for me, and for the mental image that you will always have of me.

you're just so amazing if i may say so.

you're the perfect reasonwhy i am so in love.

miao,
deon.

a cut above the rest.

2008-06-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

looking at or hearing about the people you've been with, makes me wonder if i'm only a link in your chain.

i really like to think of myself as being different from them, but maybe the differences arent that big after all.

i've been telling myself that i'm not like them, but that does not necessarily separates me from them.

so tell me, am i a precious stone which is a cut above the rest,

or just a glass stone amongst the thousands which only shine when the light hits them at the right angles?

i told you so,
deon.

S you put it.

2008-03-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

my mind is half dead now.

but as S puts it: i have not blogged for an ENTIRE month. oops.

March is ending soon, but let me recap what happened over the past few weeks.

but WAIT. before i begin - HISTORY HAS REPEATED ITSELF AGAIN. wtf, i swear i will never touch another freaking maths portfolio again. IB is real torture.

SPOTTED: D tearing out his hair, wetting his pants over radiometric dating maths portfolio (WHY on earth do we need to know how to calculate the radioactive decay of dinosaur bones and throw 216 die repeatedly?)

alright. enough of the ranting. just so you know S, i'm putting my maths portfolio ~~at risk~~ on hold to blog. hehe. :P

the term ended on a VERY hectic note, i recall the last day of school when i was running about like a mad man to complete various assignments.

we had a sudden chemistry practical thrown to us earlier in the day, and it was DEMANDED to be handed in at the end of the day, and then there was EE submission, plus not forgetting to mention that i had to settle both Chinese A2 written tasks before they would be packed personally by Chock herself and sent over to IBO.

at the end of that day, all i could say was 'Hallelujah'.

left for KL the following sunday, it was a relatively relaxing trip and great family bonding time. but the whole time my heart was with YOU, because you came down with really bad runs. calling YOU at various intervals was the only possible way that i could offer you comfort since i was far away.

and then there was the awesome HOUSE-WARMING PARTY! ok silly me, because i failed to realised that the weather was really bad the past few days then, and i blindly went to order BBQ food, thinking that God would favour me by allowing me to have a BBQ during the rainy season.

unfortunately, He didnt.

so we ended up using the oven at home to cook the food. trial and error before we finally got the timing and temperatures right. BIG thank you's to JLC and Han An for helping out, and the rest for EATING! :)

the house-warming party ended with lucy, han an and sean making a BIG splash at the pool. hilarious moment.

school came on back, striking fear in our hearts with MATHS PORTFOLIO. the week went past really fast due to Good Friday. and surprisingly i felt connected to God during REW this year, maybe because i was feeling really down. and i finished my World Lit Essay (draft 1) too! *pats myself*

perfect couple's day on Good Friday! Gold Class for Spiderwick Chronicles was worth it (at least to me), and watching YOU enjoy the movie in the comfortable seat and snuggled up in the warm blanket just made me smile. :)

next movie to conquer in Gold Class: Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian! hehe.

and on the happy note, we celebrated our cute Genevieve's 18th birthday @ Esplanade. the best prize is always a surprise i say. :)

on the more serious note,

up-coming: submission of maths portfolio (in exactly 11 hours time), YLS on saturday, TOK presentation on april's fool day (i hope i dont make a joke out of it), and more EE drafts.

UGH.

Thank you peeps for all still being there and supportive, it really means a lot to me and to YOU for forgiving me despite my major screw-ups.

i love you all. BIG time.

back to maths portfolio and NO sleep,
deon.

i love you more than yesterday.

2008-02-21T07:07:00.000-08:00

i realised after 3 years, i still remain idealistic about the notion of love.

even after those painful lessons, i remain optimistic and hopeful about love, knowing that if there is one person out there for everyone, YOU're the ONE for me.

i am just afraid that those mistakes made in the past will come back and haunt me this time round.

i will never forget how blissful i felt when we held hands while watching polar bears perform tricks at the zoo.

back to the madness of chinese A2 written tasks.

480 chinese characters and counting,
deon.

i'm legal baby!

2008-02-17T00:05:00.003-08:00

SHUCKS.

I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT I AM OFFICIALLY 18! (AS OF 7TH FEB - FIRST DAY OF CNY).

YOU were the first to wish me, and your present was thoughtful (i'll put it to good use).

and thanks to all who gave me well-wishes and presents! really appreciated them. :) and not forgetting the belated-birthday surprise by asyikin and gang.

so much for possessed year 5 girl in school. HAHAH.

whee!
deon.

oh be my valentine.

2008-02-16T23:43:00.000-08:00

the week went by pretty quickly, with the highlight of the week being V'DAY.

this is the first time within 10 years (if i remember correctly) that i did not spend V'day with family, because i had the honour of YOU being my valentine. :)

we kinda messed up the night before, and the early morning of V'day. Pride got in our way and it had unfortunately caused you to reveal the surprise dinner you've planned for us.

nevertheless, the moment tasted both sweet and bitter, knowing that we were a little annoyed with each other, but at the same time learning about the efforts we both had put into this special day.

the night was brilliant, romantic and heart-warming. speaking of which, your walrus mating call / baby t-rex noises really tickled me that night, while we strolled along the beach.

thank you for being my valentine. :)
___________________________________________________________________

i put in more effort this year as compared to last year's V'day, with the preparation of little goodies to be given to people, and it was surprisingly more fun than expected!

some were appreciated, and some wasnt. (that bitch!)

oh well, gotta keep this short.. i have a chemistry and biology test coming up!

mdm yong asked me on friday why i was so tired after V'day. *winks. x)

WHAT DID SUSHI A SAY TO SUSHI B?
.
.
.
.
.
WASSUP B?!

:)

p.s i love you,
deon.

friends forever friends.

2008-02-11T05:43:00.000-08:00

i really like this picture - we all look so happy in it. :)

mr a-stair c's chapel talk today made me realised how important this bunch of people is to me.

and as silly as it can be at times, we have mini-misunderstandings that are present to test the foundation of our friendships, today was one example. thankfully it was resolved through peaceful talks. haha.

i love the fun times spent with them, all the hang-outs we've had, the gossips and jokes we share, and sometimes the 'all-so-mature' grown up talks between us.

i just want them to know that i'm always here for them, and i hope they will do the same for me. and if anyone (hint: lucy) needs someone to talk to, be sure to put my number on speed dial. hehe. ;)

____________________________________________________________________

there YOU go, i'm letting YOU know who are the people i appreciate and who i hang out with.

i want YOU to know that these people make my life a whole lot more interesting and fun, sometimes i struggle to balance between keeping YOU and them company. But please know the difference that YOU and them bring to my life - YOU bring love to my life, and they bring close friendship.

i cant afford to lose either.

i cant afford to lose YOU.

i thank God for you all,

deon.

bleeding love.

2008-02-08T03:43:00.000-08:00

the thought of losing you gets me so worked up.

And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy
But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you

you cut me open,
deon.

ego much?

2008-02-06T01:25:00.000-08:00

this post is inspired by YOU.

sometimes we get so caught up by our own ego and through the process of defending it, we would say just about anything or do anything just to protect it.

Why is there a need for any form of ego when you're in a relationship with someone?
Why cant we just let go of our pride in front of the person you claim you love?
Why wont we let down the guard to our hearts even when it comes to the person you believe you can trust?

honestly, there's only 2 people in this relationship, and we're partners, companions, (as cheesy as it sounds, i shall include soul-mates), soul-mates for each other. So why should we let our pride / ego get in our way? Could it be that apologising is one of the hardest thing to do, will it deflate one's ego to be able to admit that you're wrong to the person who loves you?

i wont love you any less if you're at wrong, neither should you if i did the same. the point is, we shouldnt even be fighting over whose fault it is, or who's right and who's wrong. we need to see beyond the objective of identifying which party is at fault, and know that when two hearts are intertwined with love, the power of love (i know - cheesy) can overcome obstacles.

like you said, "if you are bothered by anything, you must always bring it up. Regardless, I will have my say. Then we must work it out as a couple. This way of thinking will get us through any difficult times. The centre of our relationship is love, that's important. Both of us still have our voices, yet we see things as one.

p.s i saved this sms. :)

i believe there is no need for any ego between the 2 of us. i'm getting to know who you are, and it is who you are that makes me love you. i dont wish to love the person who is controlled by all that ego. i know its hard to let the guard down to your heart, because i get the fears from that too. But if you trust that i'm the one for you...

...please know that i will never intentionally hurt you in a way or another,
please know that i will hold your heart in my hands as delicately as i possibly can,
and please know that i will always have you on my mind...

i'm glad that we're both on the right path.

dont stray away from me,
deon.

all it takes is just one flaw.

2008-02-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

OCCUPATION: BOYFRIEND

it's not easy being someone's bf, because:

1) your salary is paid in the currency of 'love' and 'quality time spent together', and your salary fluctuates every now and then.

2) plus there is no job description or job scope, especially on what you are allowed to do and what you are forbidden to do.

3) you may be sacked anytime.

4) you have to put up with all the misunderstandings and obstacles that come along your way.

5) you may be placed on probation / left on the shelf for periods of time. (no reply from smses/phone calls)

6) working time is 24/7.

7) you have to suffer from fear, insecurity, paranoia.

8) you have to find the right balance between being responsible and over-possesive.

all that being said, i am not lamenting about the down-sides of being a bf, because i do enjoy my duty as a bf to YOU, because i cant be any more grateful knowing that i have you sharing my life with me. As mushy as that sounded, i mean it so badly.

YOU have no idea how much effect you have on me.

i cant breathe when you are upset with me, i cant sleep knowing that something is bothering you, and i cant stop thinking about you when everything you do or say about me mean the whole world to me.

you want to know why i have not lost my temper at you over the past 2 months despite the many reasons for me to do so? it's because all these arguments will only make us feel bad about ourselves and find fault in one another. i rather us not do that.

i can do 1000 things right, but all it takes is just 1 wrong to negate all that i have done right.

it is innate in us human beings that we will first seek out the wrongs that others do, and as much right as the person has done, they mean nothing because the wrong that he/she did will always outshine all the rights.

that's why its hard for people to stay together for a long time if all they see are the wrongs that their partner has done.

i am trying my best to look beyond all the things that upset us both, to remember all the good times we spent together, and i hope you can do that too, because when we look back on this journey that we have embarked on together, the happy moments are those that we truly wish to savour again.

one thing i've learnt is to be appreciative of the efforts that YOU put in. like how i would text you 'thank you for spending time with me tonight / thank you for dinner with you, it was really lovely'. i'm not trying to exaggerate my gestures, what i am trying to point out is that i appreciate YOU, and the things that we do for each other.

i rather be honest with you, than to cover up how i feel:
sometimes the emotional slammings from you can really get out of hand, they will always turn my world upside down.

but as your partner, i'll find a way around it.
___________________________________________________________________

the hug you gave me at the clinic was exceptionally warm and loving, it said to me: i'll always be by your side.
___________________________________________________________________

i would like to apologise to tyng, jun you, euginn and teck yew if i was moody at the celebration. to tyng: HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, hope you enjoyed the night! i know it was your night, and it ended up that you were comforting me instead.

and to YOU too: for neglecting your needs and not informing you about my plans.

but always remember that you're important to me. always.

i'm not gonna let this small misunderstanding get in our way. neither should you.

Quote from Grey's Anatomy:

“We all think we're going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives”

you were my unexpected surprise,
deon.

have faith.

2008-01-27T06:57:00.000-08:00

Been inspired by the recent episode of Grey's Anatomy 'Lay your hands on me', here's something about Faith:

"Faith isnt medicine. Faith cant heal you,
But then again, it cant hurt."

we need faith to get us through the hardest of days, the darkest periods of our lives.

without faith, we cant have hope.
without hope, we cant have miracles.

when the clock struck 12 midnight on 31st dec 2007, i knew what 2008 was going to be like, with great anticipation as this new year unfolds before me. it's undoubtly going to be a tough year.

by having faith in what i am doing, by having faith in what i believe in, by having faith in YOU.

i KNOW this year will be really exciting.
___________________________________________________________________

it's been a rough week, but we will brave the storm ahead.
___________________________________________________________________

four 3's, two 6's, one 1 is NOT equal to 432611. haha :)

YOU're always teasing me, and i figured out that your 'deon-tease-O-meter' is also an indicator for your health condition.

am glad that YOU feel better after the TLC medication dosage. hehe. :)

i'm your happynurse,
deon.

what's your next move?

2008-01-25T05:08:00.000-08:00

asyikin: so when's the BIG move?

deon: end of feb. I HOPE.

asyikin: spotted: D moving out of his posh house.

haha. ok, this is cute. really. x)
_____________________________________________________________________

i love how she is still able to be so awesome possum when she's under so much stress from the up-coming production. i'm definitely going to watch love / retreat to support her, bobbie and the tarts people.

i'm gonna wait for asyikin to send me the poster so that i can upload it here. ;)
_____________________________________________________________________

the scenery from the sky garden at NLB is beautiful and romantic, a great place to make out (*winks), except for the cameras installed to catch people who smoke there.

and the osim idesire massage chairs on the 11th floor work like magic. :)

2 months, i love YOU.

back to business IA,
deon.

thousands of excuses, but one reason.

2008-01-21T04:15:00.000-08:00

people always go in search of hundreds and thousands of reasons to explain why they love someone.

but i dont see one reason, or for that matter, ANY reason why i shouldnt love YOU.

maybe we'll never get tired,
deon.

breathe, damn it.

2008-01-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

i must say this.

i've been so caught up with everything that's going in my life at the moment - school, family and my relationship, that i have forgotten to take a breather.

just keep breathing, just breathe.

dont lose my head,
deon.

way back into love.

2008-01-19T07:59:00.000-08:00

I have been living with a shadow overhead
I have been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I have been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can not seem to move on

I have been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I have been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can make it through without a way back into love
_____________________________________________________________________

FINALLY, i've decided to get down to give a review of 2007, and a little sneak peek about life in 2008 so far.

let's see.. so many things happened in 2007, and it was indeed an emotional roller coaster ride, filled with laughter and tears.

most importantly, i am grateful for the people who have been part of my life throughout 2007.

i dont think a lot of people know how i got into acsi (only close ones do). i took the entrance exams, submitted my impeccable portfolio, but got rejected initially. apparently, i screwed up my maths paper.

DISCLAIMER: hc used to only offer add-maths for us, and the maths paper acsi had for the entrance exam was an e-maths paper. you might think i am really stupid, because how is it possible for a student who took add-maths not be able to do an e-maths paper, but the thing is that i did not even learn any of the e-maths syllabus back then, so i screwed up the paper.

i kindly wrote an email to DP 3, explaining the reason for the shitty maths result and told her to consider my application with my sec 4 results and portfolio.

i prayed so damn freaking hard, hoping i would get in, or at least a reply from her saying she is going to offer me a place. and back in 2006 at that time, i was in taiwan when all these happened. i know this is going to sound weird, but the series of events that followed made me believe that God had wanted me to be in this school.

i was admist the mountains in taiwan, and checked into a hotel which happened to have a computer room. i logged on, checked my email and to my excitement, i received an email from carolyn (DP 3's secretary) telling me to call her asap. so while i was hiking through the forest which housed trees of hundred over years old, i whipped out my dad's cellphone and called carolyn (i didnt care about the phone bill, haha). and so, as i had anticipated, my prayers came true, and i was offered a place in acsi.

for that moment, i was jumping up and down and screaming up and down amongst those really tall trees in the forest (after i hung up of course). thats the story of how i got in. :)
____________________________________________________________________

first day in acsi was REALLY SCARY. no kidding. i have never in my life felt so much fear for humans, and humans who just keep staring at you for the matter.

I WAS IN MY HC UNIFORM, AND STICKING OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB.

i was lucky to have been assigned a relatively non-hostile OG group, which of course comprised of maria kang from nanyang. i managed to click with her really quickly, and made more friends from there.

and the ONLY person i knew on the first day of school was jaime tai, and we met through maria's party. x)

everyone kept asking me why i decided to switch schools and join IB, and eventually i came up with a set of answers, and i would just repeat myself to the next person who had the same question in mind.
____________________________________________________________________

moving on.. to 5.12.

SADLY, we started out as a class which had very strong intentions to want to bond well but it back-fired. it was really fun for the first 3-4 months when everyone just did things together, sit around the same table during recess (sometimes we just squeeze like crazy). but as soon as we made our own judgements about people and formed our own cliques, the class just broke up into fragments, and it still is.

i dont think anyone wants to make an effort to bring the class together. -shrugs-
____________________________________________________________________

then there was council campaigning. made it in to the surprise of many people. was very grateful to gen, lucy and chen min for their support throughout the week. they reassured me again and over again if not i would have been hiding in the toilet and not even come out to campaign.

and so i heard that my posters made a big hu-ha. haha.

then the council term began.. and will end in term 2 week 10 2008.
____________________________________________________________________

fast forwarding..

i found my close group of friends, and i am VERY sure you all know who you are. let me tell you something: i really dont know how to get by school without you all, and you all shelter me from all the hostility that others show to me, help me believe in myself and the things i do.

i just wanna say that i am very grateful for you all. and a BIG THANK YOU TOO. :)

in no order of merit, kudos to sean, john, yew jin, lucy, gen, chen min, javier, sarah, han an (sometimes HAHA), and gareth (who is someone i am starting to be fond of as a friend).
____________________________________________________________________

and AGAIN, when you have close friends, you are bound to meet bitches in school. i wont give names, but its pretty clear who i dont get along with in school.

i told gen that school is like a mini simulation of what the corporate world is going to be in the future. bitches, back-stabbers, gossipers, two-faced creatures will always be around to make your day miserable.

sometimes you fight back because you shouldnt be walked over by them. if i have to kick your ass, I WILL.
____________________________________________________________________

and then there was the crazy and really stressful period before WOW, when we were plunged into the bottomless pit of never ending work from maths portfolio and group 4 project report. i recall sitting in front of the computer and typing aimlessly away, that was how zombified i was. haha.

WOW wasnt as touching as i had expected it to be (i'm being brutally honest here), but i am really glad that we did what we could to brighten up the lives of the village school children. and WOW was when i really got to know lucy as a friend, and i must say that she made the WOW trip enjoyable for me.
____________________________________________________________________

then the mugging period and EOY's came and ended so swiftly. nothing interesting happened. and i wouldnt consider stress interesting.
____________________________________________________________________

HOLIDAYS KICKED ASS. went for arabian night with the usual peeps, and i will never forget that day, because it's the first day we met, then the zoo trip the next day made me realised that i really want to be with YOU.

lots of outing with the peeps, and dates with YOU to fill the last two months of 2007. i wasnt very active with my assignments, mainly EE and TOK, but did what i thought would be reasonably enough not to land me into major stress mood in 2008. (and so apparently i thought wrong. haha.)

plus i finally got to meet javier in person!! :)

and in november, i started a new chapter of my life with YOU, and we'll keep filling in the stories for a long long time.

like john said, i didnt feel any regret for the way i spent my holidays, because i had fun, i got my well-deserved break, i got to hang out with my friends, and they were spent with YOU.

2007 saved the best for the last 2 months. :)
____________________________________________________________________

overall, 2007 went much smoother than i had expected it to be, because i thought the sudden change of school environment would spiral me into a long period of adaptation.

i pray that 2008 will be a fruitful year.
i pray that i will be able to get the results i desire.
i pray that my friendships will grow stronger.

and finally,

i pray that we will grow from months to years.

goodbye 2007, 2008 brings new dreams, aspirations and motivations.

it's a new chapter with you,
deon.

you found me.

2008-01-17T06:13:00.000-08:00

You found me
When no one else was lookin´
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn´t leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see.

-kelly clarkson-
_____________________________________________________________________

sometimes you can be so loving and at times you can be really tough on me.

heading to bed without saying i love you just means my day was incomplete.

nonetheless, i'm grateful that YOU found me.

you saw what nobody could see in me,
deon.

one ring to rule them all.

2008-01-09T01:57:00.000-08:00

it's been an AWFUL day at school, coupled with humiliation and constant bombarding of deadlines which are drawing nearer and nearer.

UGH. :'(
_____________________________________________________________________

thank god for YOU.

YOU always have a way to put a smile on my face, such as sprouting random phrases, tickling me with your messages and your lame jokes.

i realised that i've been much happier and less troubled ever since YOU told me not to expect so much out of YOU every time we met, and i did as i was told. i guess when i am not expecting anything in particular to happen, the disappointment (when things dont go the way i envision to) will also disappear.

oh well, like they say, the greater your expectations, the harder you fall with your disappointments. so i'm lowering my expectations, and who knows, maybe some surprises will pop in once in a while.

i really really like how things are going on between us now. :)

deon: i'll give you a RING when i get home.

so i guess we'll just need one RING to rule them all eh? hehe.

take my heart but please dont break it,
deon.

p.s i'll be posting a review of 2007 soon, like john said 2008 is going to be marvelous. ;)

siloso beach party? WTF.

2008-01-02T07:13:00.001-08:00

honestly, who needs to go for the sentosa siloso beach party when you have awesome, old-time friends to spend the new year's eve with? seriously.

i myself believe in spending quality time with close friends and of course YOU, than to be surrounded by strangers who will attempt to 'grind' you when they are semi-conscious of what they are doing due to the booze.

New Year's Eve was spent shopping and chilling out with the people you see above, namely euginn, tyng and aaron. euginn is leaving for taylor's college in KL, and yes we will miss him dearly. ~~not as much as we miss marcus, who is in canada now~~ haha. :)

NO, we are not drunk in the pictures above. (i will upload the drunken ones of another outing at a later time)

I appreciate how YOU say that the first day of 2008 should be spent with the person you love, and YES, we spent it together. :)

happy new year,

deon.

p.s photo courtesy of tyng.

stick to the status quo.

2007-12-30T05:28:00.000-08:00

if you want to be cool,
follow one simple rule,
dont mess with the flow,
stick to the status quo.

has it occured to you that being in a relationship comes with the status of 'being attached', and you are someone's 'girlfriend / boyfriend'? i know of people who are so obsessed with the idea of 'being attached', or having to find someone to be in their lives that they end up being desperate.

i dont believe in that.

what i understand is that, people so often get caught up with the pursuit of the status of being someone's girlfriend / boyfriend, that they end up losing the purpose and meaning of loving that person. loving someone doesnt require you to have a status, and it only serves to confuse things.

people spend time worrying about whether they are someone's girlfriend / boyfriend, and all these time could be put into good use in developing the relationship and bringing it to a whole new level. that being said is easier than it could be done.

at the same time, having the status of being someone's girlfriend / boyfriend, gives us the understanding and awareness that we belong to someone, and that i dont deny is a good, warm fuzzy feeling. haha. :)

i am really happy that i am yours.
___________________________________________________________________

i ask myself, why am i trying so hard?

once in a lifetime means there is no second chance.

i dont wish to look back many years down the road, and live to regret the fact that i did not love you hard enough.
___________________________________________________________________

met up with edward to discuss tok essay over lunch at vilage -heeren, and had a tea session with john, sean and javier at coffee club, and finally dinner at manhattan's fish market with YOU.

haha. i ate a lot today. really a lot.

like i said, i love you and i will keep on doing that. :)

we belong together,
deon.

there's desire in these eyes

2007-12-29T06:34:00.000-08:00

it's a sad night tonight. the stars are crying too.

i cant help, but have tears roll down my cheeks.
_____________________________________________________________________

i vividly remember 2 years ago, when i was secondary 3 in 2005, during chinese lesson, mdm shieh asked us to debate over a particular topic, which was 'is it more fortunate to be loved by someone, or to love someone?'

my initial response was 'duh, anyone would know that it is more fortunate to be loved by someone, loving someone will only break your own heart'. and thus i structured my points accordingly and represented my side which was to support the stand that it is more fortunate to be loved.

i remember saying that, it is more fortunate to be loved because if you love someone, it could only be one-sided, in other words - unreflected love. and also that being loved by someone doesnt require any much effort from your side, because you're the one receiving it.

now that i think of it, it seems really selfish to say that it is more fortunate to be loved than to love someone, and it is all within us to take but not to give.

BUT, falling in love with YOU has made me realised the joy of loving someone, it is like i understood what loving someone meant, and like tim said, love is a commitment, love is not a feeling, it is not the warm fuzzy sensation we get in romantic movies. love is also a choice, and i've chosen you.

falling in love with YOU has given me a reason to wake up every morning feeling happy, knowing that i love you, and that you love me back too. falling in love with YOU has given me the strength to pull through the longest of days, and falling in love with YOU has also added excitement and joy into my life.

i rather love you than to be loved.
____________________________________________________________________

i dont know if you feel this, but every time i gently carress your face, look you in the eyes and say i love you, i mean it so badly.

there's desire in these eyes.

and every time i walk pass you, i would always want to plant a kiss on the back of your neck. thats my way of telling you how much i adore you.

they say,
loving someone is like grabbing a bird in your hands.
if you grasp it too hard and tight, it will suffocate and die,
if you grasp it too gently and loose, it will fly away.

trust me, its not easy to find the balance.

at least i am learning to,
deon.

come all ye faithful.

2007-12-26T07:22:00.000-08:00

come all ye faithful,
joyful and triumphant.
O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him,
Born the King of Angels.
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.
_____________________________________________________________________

xmas 07 has been a real blast! :)

plus the buildup to it was really fantastic. it started on 23rd with an outing with yinghan and hongwei, where we did shopping in town and had dinner at sushi tei.

as usual, their company was excellent because of all the laughter and 'corny-ness' they bring. the dinner also brought back many lower secondary school memories, about things such as E3-Circles (a study group we had, but failed miserably), the famous Political Pizza Hut (an exhibition that never materialised) and of course Ortussey - the school magazine we published for only ONE edition which later was stolen by a teacher and made into her own magazine.

oh well, the silly things we do in the younger days. haha. :)

somehow my mind was detached from their conversation during dinner, one part was engaging in it, the other was drifting away and visualising you in your kitchen baking away diligently.

thank you so much for the cakes, and the effort. they were really delicious. and i'm not just saying that because i love you.

i love you AND the cakes were delicious too. :) even grandma said they were good. hehe.
______________________________________________________________________

24th morning and afternoon, was spent with javier, walking through town, getting last minute xmas gifts, such as joshua's HEAT BLAST from toy 'r' us, and of course YOUR gift.

had lunch at sun and moon japanese restaurant, and we are so going to bring all you peeps there for a meal next time! :)

rushed home for xmas party, and mum (as usual for every party) was freaking out, and demanding that i helped her with the xmas presents. i felt so accomplished after arranging all the xmas gifts (over a 100 one of them) under the xmas tree, and i also had to arrange them according to families which was such a chore. everyone could have rummaged through the tree to find their gifts, but i guess there wont be a tree after that.

invited tyng, eu ginn, adrian and zen kyn over for the party and the conversations we had were so raunchy that i will spare all you readers of the gory details of what were exchanged over dinner. thank god we had a table on our own.

was calling you between every hour interval, hoping to keep you company on xmas eve, especially when i wasnt there for you. haha. you teased me about the time difference each time my call wasnt on time. i swear my heart and my mind were on your side all the time. and they will always be.

party ended at 1 am, washed up around 2am, and stayed up till 3 plus working on your xmas card. this is the first time i've done such an elaborate job for a xmas card. i poured my heart and soul into it. i finally understood how it felt to give in love, not just receive, but to GIVE. and also how it felt to really wish that the person would appreciate the effort you put in.

just with simple smile or word of thank you, all the hard work will seem so worth it.
____________________________________________________________________

from this point onwards, words cannot describe how i felt on xmas day itself and the xmas dinner we had together.

knock knock.
who's there?
shall be
shall be who?
shall be coming around the mountain as she comes.

:)

every moment was so magical. and i guess the best way to remember xmas 07, is to keep all the memories in my mind, replay them every once in a while and bask in the happiest moment of 2007 for me.

you bring tears of joy to me. thank you.

you keep me safe in a crazy world,
deon.

so close yet so far.

2007-12-19T08:36:00.000-08:00

you said that we're having a long-distance relationship. haha. true, i stay in the neighbouring country.

but soon, we'll be closer to each other.

absence does make the heart grow fonder.

reaffirm our love,

deon.

the suite life.

2007-12-19T05:02:00.000-08:00

hello all,

as most of you know, (i was refering to the close ones in my life) that i'll be moving to a new place soon, which is in newton.

today was the first time i officially stepped into the apartment, which will be co-shared by me and my sister. unfortunately, i got the smaller room, but i'll have no complains, especially since staying in singapore is already a huge perk that i am receiving.

the existence of the apartment comes with strings attached, and i would have to follow a set of rules and regulations set by my parents, enforced and monitored by my sister herself. talk about prison life. basically, i am anticipating curfews, and some domestic rules to comply to.

again, i am NOT complaining.

the pool is stunning, and you can see everything from the living room view. and the thing that got me really excited was the fact that the neighbourhood area is flooded with stalls selling local delicacies, not to mention that supermarkets are stone-throw far away in the shopping malls nearby.

i already have in mind what to do for house-warming: a rendition of minds cafe at my very own place! a night of board games with close friends, fun and laughter coupled with a pizza dinner. and of course to touch it up with a few drinks to get everyone spilling their guts in truth or dare.

only the hottest people in school gets invited. so watch out for it.

oh, which also reminds me of the council xmas party tomorrow night! and there will a gift exchange process. lol. EXCITING eh.

we'll be exchanging gifts during our xmas dinner. oh, will there be a misletoe? :)

i've fallen for your sweet embrace,
deon.

anyone up for a drink?

2007-12-17T07:56:00.000-08:00

aaron-junyou is back, and we celebrated his home-welcoming with a buffet dinner and clubbing.

ok, honestly this is my 2nd OFFICIAL clubbing experience. in case you were wondering that i'm a clubbing whore. I'M NOT. the first was at maria kang's party (where no alcoholic drinks were served, they were pathetically substituted with soft drinks, and we had to collect our drinks using coupons), COUPONS - FOR GOD's SAKE, what are we, collecting rations for WWIII?

and the 2nd was with the usual gang - tyng, teck yew, eu ginn, adrian and me! at dolce. this time booze was present. :)

i was relatively sober, and i will not deny the fact that i was not fully aware of what i was doing. basically making loud noises and dancing wildly. grinding tyng and eu ginn was super funny, worked out pretty well too. :P

the night ended with teckyew being wasted and throwing up and him and eu ginn bunking at my place. apparently, eu ginn treats my place like a hotel, everything at his disposal. haha. :)

overall, it was a blast. but YOU were on my mind the whole night. every single second.
___________________________________________________________________

i would give up all these partying for you, they dont mean a thing to me when we can spend the night being in each other's arms. i dont need to be grinding someone in a club, neither do i need to get all wasted to have fun. all i need is to be able to see you everyday, even if it is for a few seconds.

the walk along singapore river with you meant the whole world to me, for a moment i could feel that the world stopped spinning for the 2 of us, as if time froze at that perfect moment when the cool breeze took my breath away, so did you.

i want more of such moments with you. i crave them.

forgive me for being a silly boy in love.

XOXO S. & D.
deon.

xoxo gossip girl

2007-12-14T07:40:00.000-08:00

world war III has just started. i heard it's in knee-socks.
choose your side or run and hide.

-gossip girl

just started on 3 episodes on the well-rated (by sean) drama show GOSSIP GIRL, caught 2 episodes while i was on the bus home. so you can imagine how long the bus ride was.

i must say i am slightly disappointed, it didnt pack as much punch as i expected it to, in short, the bitch-o-meter just isnt high enough. plus the characters are pretty shallow in terms of development, and the lines dont tickle me as much as other shows do. i agree with javier that the show is highly unrealistic - how is it possible for so many good-looking people to exist at the same time? haha.

maybe it's just the first 3 episodes, the fun hasnt really begun. i will keep watching.

although i really like the idea of the invisible 'gossip girl' who dishes all the dirt from her pov. now she's the funny one.

XOXO gossip girl. :)
___________________________________________________________________

i heard some not-so-good news about a close friend today, apparently he's got a rather nasty reputation with the people who dont really know him that well. and if you have ever experienced this, it sucks having to defend that person in front of someone who is dishing out on him.

the feeling just isnt pleasant, as much as you try to believe that you know your friend well enough, and deny that whatever you have heard that very second is not true based on the fact that you think you know him well enough.

the keyword here is THINK. you THINK you know him well enough, maybe you just dont.

oh well, we all shouldnt let vicious rumours and GOSSIP get the better of us. people talk all the time, and we just cant stop them from yaking away, all we can do is to have a clear conscience ~~and if possible go kick their ass-es~~

one thing i've learnt, is to NOT take what people say at face-value, always keep it at the back of your mind, but never take everything to heart. because for all you know, they could be lying.

we're all liars in a way or another.

xoxo,
deon.

play with fire and be burnt.

2007-12-13T01:56:00.000-08:00

it's unbelievable to see such determination and seriousness oozing out of a 17 year old boy, who has barely seen the world, and let alone talk about falling in love.

i know for sure that it is only you that i want, i need and i desire. but i keep thinking if i am able to satisfy your needs, guess it's really hard to tell.

i would give up so much, just to spend 1-on-1 time with you.

dont play games, i'm not up for it, neither do i have the stakes to play.

the stakes are too high, there's too much at risk.

there's no safety net to catch me.
if i fall, i will crash and burn. literally.

blessing in disguise,
deon.

i try hard and hope not to fail

2007-12-11T08:28:00.000-08:00

thank you for giving me an A+ for effort.

you give me reason,
deon.

all i want for christmas is you.

2007-12-11T07:41:00.000-08:00

ever notice when someone checks you out on the train or the bus, you stay composed and calm, showing no interest at all?

No, its not your attempt for trying to be monogamous.

you know you wont be tempted, neither will your faith waver, because you know your heart already belongs to that special someone in your life.

the only person you want to be crazy on orchard road with. :)
_____________________________________________________________________

the day was spent hanging out with JERRY, an old friend from hci at starbucks, chatting about the things that are happening and the things that happened before i left that school. also got to hear things about some old friends i havent met for the longest of time.

lunch was settled at pepperlunch, dropped by Bibi and Baba, Kinokuniya and finally ended the meeting with JERRY at coffee club, while chilling with the chocolate fondue.

apparently, it's been a year since we were eating chocolate fondue there. a blink of an eye, a year has passed, and i am pretty sure next year will pass even faster.

so i made a pact with JERRY, that we'll be meeting again next year, around the same time for the same chocolate fondue feast that binds our friendship together. it was really great fun hanging out with him, and hearing about his obsession with the SAF scholarship.

a trip to MINDEF and this is what you get. haha.

whoever said you needed everyone to be your friend? a few close ones will always be enough, and you all know who you are. :)

met han an, john and gen at X-ZONE, ended up with para-para again. and eventually was chilling out at TCC, listening to all the horror ghost stories that acsi has to offer and some latest school gossips. *winks at gen.

which reminds me of gareth's birthday lunch tmr. :)
_____________________________________________________________________

i'm sorry for all that i'm not which you wish i could be. i really am.

i do try really hard though,
deon.

what is love?

2007-12-10T05:23:00.000-08:00

what is love?

here's what i feel about love:

one day, while reading a book, a little boy came across the word 'love' and he asked his teacher a question in class.

boy: "teacher, what is love?"

teacher: "you want to know what love is eh? well.. do me a favour, run along to the grass field outside and pick the most beautiful flower you can find and bring it back to me. you can only pick one flower each time, and you are not allowed to turn back to retrieve a flower you've missed."

teacher: "now run along my dear."

the boy went out the grass field, in search of the most beautiful flower he could find, and the one he thought would be the one he would want to keep to himself.

and when he finally came back..

teacher: "oh my, why didnt you come back with anything?"

boy: "that's because each time when i thought i found the most beautiful flower, i looked up and i saw more flowers further up the grass field. i was tempted to move on and check them out. the same thing happened again when i kept moving through the grass field, and i just could not lay my hands on any flowers, because i saw more flowers along the way and they were so tempting."

boy: "plus you said i couldnt turn back to the flowers i've passed, and sometimes when i've moved on, i realised that the flower i chose to give up was actually much prettier than the one i was standing next to now."

teacher: "now that is love my dear, it disappears the moment when you arent paying attention, you pass by it unknowingly until you finally look back and realised that you've missed out on the love of your life. and when you think you've found the most beautiful person to be with, you will always look for something better, just like how you spotted more flowers up the grass field, discarded the flower which you thought was the most beautiful and moved on, just only to be too late to realise that you've gave up on the person you should have been with."

teacher: "love is all about being contented and happy with what you already have, treasuring every single moment you have with the person you've always wanted to be with, that's when you know you mean it when you say i love you to that special someone."

i'm contented, are you?

i love you,
deon.

i would do anything for you.

2007-12-06T02:33:00.000-08:00

is loving someone supposed to feel like that?

so afraid of losing them,
pondering over if you have made the right choice to entrust them with your heart,
fearing they will cease to love you,
wondering if they think of you as much as you think of them,

is this how it is supposed to feel like? someone enlighten me please.

note to self and readers: i'm not trying to be as emo as leon fu, *recalls his composition.

it's just that all these 4 thoughts are bursting right through me every single moment, running through every fiber of my body, pounding my heart non-stop.

oh no.
___________________________________________________________________

the retail therapy worked out better than expected, because it was supposed to be 'all-about-sean' day, (HAHA! :), but i managed to get things that i needed for myself.

15% off beatlebug products if you're a student!

the day spent walking along orchard road was splendid, good company and good weather too. stopped to refuel every now and then.

went on sean's bag hunt, and we'll be finally getting it on friday. LOL.
___________________________________________________________________

your message went: 'i'm at river island, 2nd floor'.

i searched everywhere for you, the whole mall, asked for directions but just couldnt find the shop.

i texted you back: 'i will find you, trust me'.

i called for more directions, you thought i was about to give up the search.

i texted you back: 'i dont give up, not that easily. i wont give up on you. i promise.'

what a big promise to make, i told myself. but i've already taken the plunge. i already did.

it finally occured to me that you might not be in the same mall as i was, silly me.

i ran with all my might to you.

it's you, i know it's you. and sorry for being mushy. haha.

pick me, choose me, love me,
deon.

heaven knows.

2007-12-04T21:38:00.000-08:00

Men are not made monogamous but we can DAMN well try.

help me see you,
deon.

a brand new start.

2007-11-29T20:08:00.001-08:00

how do you know when you are in love?

its feel so wrong and so right at same time,

the chills that go down your spine each time you think you're falling,

every moment is spent thinking about that person,

when the chemistry explodes,

a sparkle in your eyes when you smile,

the sub-conscious wide grins on your face,

the first thought in the morning when you wake up,

and the last thought when you go to bed at night.

i'm falling, catch me,
deon.

if i kissed you.

2007-11-29T19:44:00.000-08:00

thanks to a calling, i blew almost 60 bucks on all 3 of corrinne may's cds. and yes she speaks to me.

and i realised that i really do NOT enjoy the typical dates, such as hanging around orchard road and catching a movie each time we're in town. 90% of the time, we'll always end up watching a movie, its like the only thing you can do there.

dont put the B in boring please.

and soooo, we went to the ZOO. you saw the proboscis monkey you wanted to see, and i saw us having fun that whole morning. the polar bears were extremely cute, and so were you when you got thrilled at the sight of squirrel monkeys. haha, whats up with you and monkeys.

'see you later, alligator!' - you.
________________________________________________________________________

If i kissed you - Corrinne May, this song is for you.

If I kissed you
Would fireworks fly
Would angels sing with lollipops
Would dinosaurs cry
Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise
If I kissed you

If I kissed you
What would Michelangelo say
Would he still have sculpted David
Would we be immortalized in clay
Would the poets write of love like ours
Would John Donne have his say
If I kissed you

You could be one in a million
You could be the one for me
But I guess I'll never know if I never try
I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms
And kiss you

If I kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street
With a tattoo of my name on your behind
If I kissed you
Oh, if I kissed you
Yeah, if I kissed you
________________________________________________________________________

is going to the zoo considered a typical date? :) i certainly dont think so.

the walk by the beach was breath-taking, and so were you.

next is x'mas shopping with you!

you could be one in a million,
deon.

every beat of my heart.

2007-11-29T19:21:00.001-08:00

GAWD.

ITS BEEN FREAKING LONG SINCE I UPDATED.

AT LEAST I AM DOING NOW.

OOPS. SORRY READERS, OH WELL IF THERE ARE STILL ANY LEFT. haha. :)

it's been one and half month's since i updated, and hell yeah, thats long and so many things have happened along the way. so i am gonna rant about some things.

bear with me please.

post exam days were pretty silly, spent them at SATS familiarisation course, and i still havent really figured out when to take them, although orion suggests that i do them after the IB exams. but i am like wth, more studying after the final years? we'll see eventually, if i do survive the madness of IB.

so then there was THE LUNCH (sorry peeps, i know that was WAY WAY long time ago), but i have to talk about it! buffet lunch at the line at shangri-la hotel was amazing, better than mind-blowing sex (oops). perfect timing, perfect company and perfect food. thats how i would summarise it.

and to my amazement, our LUNCH date with our own peeps have kinda known throughout the whole level, and JEREMY tan was making fun of us. too much publicity i think, and the fact that ac people love to gossip. haha. :) we also caught The Brave One by jodie foster, wasnt too bad, although sean and john really didnt like it, except for jodie's hair style. and it was hiliarious when han an screamed as jodie shot the guy in the face. BOOM.

~~oh, and i shall skip the part of concentration camp.~~

shortly after that, i was onboard cruise with adrian and his family. and BANG, it was fun just like before when only 4 teenagers went on a cruise on our own. did the usual stuff there - arcade, k-box, pool, bbq buffet. and we also went for gary's concert. pretty awesome, though it kinda lacked the punch. but it was still great, considering adrian and i are still close together as good friends ever since we were in the same nursery when we were kids, same primary and sec school.

we go a long way back. haha. :)

arabian night was passable, although i was really impressed by their costume designs, but the story was just too long for me, 3 hours!! i kinda went to watch because i wanted to support chu. <3!

and had a weird dream that i went for maria kang's party AGAIN, and this time i didnt know anyone there except her, and i remember i was talking to swan yee on the phone (in the dream), and asking her to come. we were playing some games when the dream ended. very WEIRD.

i went for her party around this time of the year last year and ended up being grounded for 2 whole weeks. WOW.

so far things are going fine, except for the fact that i have start cracking for YLS 2008, EE, TOK. just the 3 things i have to worry about for this year's holidays.

and x'mas is coming! :)

my heart beats for you,
deon.

en-TRUSTing you.

2007-10-06T22:50:00.000-07:00

love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.

i cant trust you,
deon.

i'm a rockstar.

2007-10-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

it's been ONE HELL OF A WEEK.

let's have a little recap of what happened shall we?

english paper was manageable, and i had fun highlighting my points in many colours. red for this, orange for that, and blue for something else. basically each guiding qns had one colour to represent it, it helped me identify the key things in the passage that were answering the guiding qns. you should try it too!

ok. tuesday was a break day, spent the whole day revising maths - that's because i ASSUMED it was going to be maths paper 1 on wednesday. and i was silly enough not being able to tell that it was actually chem paper when so many clues were dropped along the way, such as the council web message that said 'councillors taking the chem paper, please meet at 7.20 blah blah blah', then someone also wished me luck for chem paper, which i failed to realised would be the paper i would be taking on wednesday.

ok, before you start thinking that i am retarded - i lost my exam timetable.

haha. ok, that was actually quite retarded.

nevertheless, i was saved by gen, who i called up to check the timing of the exams, and found out to my SURPRISE that its chemistry paper on wednesday! WOW.

wednesday - was dead tired in the morning cos i studied till 4am, and i couldnt sleep at all, i stayed awake the whole night. and i remember telling han an and john that i might have a panic attack during the exam, considering the fact that i prepared for the wrong subject the day before!! ROAR.

chemistry paper turned out to be alright, as usual, the mcq was quite a killer, but paper 2 was way easier compared to last year's. i had to switch to an alternative question for my section b which was risky considering the limited time i had, cos i just couldnt freaking get the graph right, and i didnt want to lose all the marks that were related to those damn graphs. things turned out well UNTIL, i forgot to attach one piece of my answer script to all my other chem papers.

SMART move deon.

so mr ventham and mr paul t. refused to accept my piece of answer script when i handed to them before everyone was dismissed. they said that the papers were 'sealed'. so deon just jabbed himself in his groin area by losing 8 marks for chemistry already.

thursday was maths paper 1 - turned out really well, could do all the questions except one. whee. :)

and halfway throughout the maths paper, mr paul t. snuck up behind my back and muttered into my ear, 'make sure you tie all your papers properly this time', and i quickly responded with 'sir, so my paper was counted?', he gave a slight grin and walked off.

SOOO, you all should know what's gonna happen. :)

friday was the KILLER COMBO DAY!

with HL bio and SL business for me, bio was mentally draining to begin with, then came business where i stoned during the 5 mins reading time. my mind was so exhausted at that point of time. apparently, they placed 2 questions from last years EOY business paper into this year's one, total cut and paste, exact same questions. i studied for them, so it was an added advantage la. ~~not like some people who totally memorised the answer scripts.~~

i rocked my papers so far. still have chinese a2 to study for and maths paper 2.

i'm a rockstar -izzie stevens

btw, i so cant wait for our lunch date at shangri-hotel peeps! :)

can you lead me thru this ordinary world,
deon.

you've got a friend in me.

2007-09-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

hello people.

i know this is supposed to be precious mugging time, and i shouldnt be wasting them on blogging. but what the hell.

revision with the 'gang' was really fun today, but i must say it wasnt very productive. plenty of distractions, ranging from han an's unbearable skanky dance moves, to bursting out in random laughters, to gossiping, to trying to get to know anselm, to moving of places, etc. basically - i could have done more.

but the time spent with these people is priceless. i was laughing till i said 'ouch', 'ouch'.

i believe its this kind of energy that gets you through hard times, friends who are there to accompany you, to make you laugh at silly things, to be a guide, for example like lucy, who is now crowned as the CHEMISTRY PRINCESS given her extensive knowledge in the subject, and most importantly, to be there to pat your shoulder and say that everything's going to be alright.

even when you know that everything's not going to be alright, the comfort from that pat, that affirming smile and warmth in the tone of the person's voice is enough to keep you going.

so to all who have been there, (in no order of priority): lucy, sean, john, han an, gen, sarah, ben seah. thank you all. :)

i need a miracle to get through the eoys. and i am praying for one.

you've got a friend in me,
deon.

i thought wrong.

2007-09-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

and to think i thought you knew me well enough.

apparently, i thought wrong then.

another new wound slashed,
deon.

insanity strikes.

2007-09-21T03:45:00.000-07:00

ok. someone kill me for agreeing to do this.

i guess i must be insanely BORED. too much of chemistry revision results in mental degradation, and it manifests itself in the form of this famous silly willy hilly billy quiz, as quoted by tyng.

let the race begin!

1. The person who tagged you is: TYNG (you whore) haha :)

2. Your relationship with him/her: ex-classmate from MPS.

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her: loud, insane, caring, awesome-ass-kicking friend, gossipy.

4. The most memorable thing that he/she had done for you: putting up with my nonsense in primary school, i used to bully her a lot. i remember pulling her hair while taking the class year book picture. apparently i had the intention of making her look ugly in it. HAHA.

5. The most memorable words that he/she had said to you: yo bitch!

6. If he/she will become your lover, you will: GET THAT MENTAL IMAGE OUT OF MY MIND!!! argh. no la, i wouldnt know what to do, but maybe be as insane as she is.

7. If he/she become your lover, things he/she will have to improve on will be: learn to SHUT UP.

8. If he/she become your enemy, you will: tease her until she drops dead. haha :)

9. If he/she become your enemy, the reason being will be: she abandoned me for someone who's more hot than i am.

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is: have more gatherings and gossip, sing k, eat and eat and eat. talk and talk and talk. i have yet to have a chance to go shopping with her.

11. Your overall impression of him/her is: a fun-loving whore who i adore. it rhymes! :)

12. How do you think people around you feel about you: i am random.

13. The character you love of yourself is: a grown-up stuck in the body of a child.

14. On the contrary, the character you hate of yourself is: someone who snoozes the alarm clock and ends up being late most of the time - poor time management la.

15. The most ideal person you want to meet: NOO, i want people!! i will want the following: :)

teri hatcher, ellen pompeo, eva longoria - sexy classy women.

song bird - christina aguilera

my favourite! katherine heigl

kate walsh - sex goddess

and last but not least, supermodel heidi klum, erm no thanks, i dont need her husband.

ok back to the silly quiz:

16. Pass this quiz to 10 people: wtf. i have to torture others with this.

1. john leo caines
2. affizul
3. andrew tay
4. alex low
5. paul chu
6. asyikin
7. orion
8. leon fu
9. david lai
10. edmund

17. Who is 6 having relationship with? HAHA. i know who her cookie is, but i am not spilling! :)

18. Is no.9 a male or a female? not sure.

19. If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing? this is a retarded question.

20. How about no.8 and 5? oh well. they can move from classmates to something more. but my mind tells me NOT to go there. :)

21. What is no.2 studying about? IT. IThink.

22. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3? when i had to pay him $10 for council gifts.

23. What kind of music band does no.8 likes? i guess his own compositions?

24. Does no.1 have any siblings? yepp. 1 sister.

25. Will you woo no.3? NO THANKS.

26. Is no.4 single? noooooope. he's attached to a hottttttieeee. :)

27. What's the surname of no.5? CHU! translate to chinese for a good laugh. jk. :)

28. What's the hobby of no.4? cam-whoring. period.

29. Do no.5 and no.9 get along? i suppose so.

30. Where is no.2 studying at? ngee ann poly.

31.Talk something casually about no.1. he's my partner in crime, along with a few others!

32. Have you tried developing feelings for no.8? someone pass me a gun. i'm the next hedda gabbler.

33. Where does no.9 live at? bukit timah.

34. What colours does no.4 likes? all white. he loves being prince charming. haha.

35. Are no. 5 and 1 best friends? YEPP!

36. Does no.7 like no.2? they have no relations to each other.

37. How do you get to know no.2? haha. secret. :)

38. Does no.1 have any pets? i dont think so.

39. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world? haha. maybe. he's got a swimmer bod.

OKKK people. back to revision.

i will forget you too,
deon.

what if.

2007-08-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

what if i never woke up from the surgery table?

it's a scary thought. to leave behind everything you have in your life while you are sleeping for eternity.

the question is, can i bear to let go of everything?

can i?
deon.

a whole new level.

2007-08-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

it's been a week since you have left me.
i'm getting use to the feeling of being alone.

oh wells. it's been a REALLY REALLY REALLY hectic week. i was overwhelmed. period.

or rather, its because that i am flying off to macau in exactly 3 hours time, and in view of this, i had to complete all my work before i could leave this place in peace.

plus my brain is dead from the EXTREME lack of sleep.

and my emotions are pounding me from all directions, with the fear of the up-coming surgery, the dreadfulness of maths portfolio and exams, the loneliness, the frustration and all else that you feel when you know that your life is crumbling.

i need to prevent myself from slipping into depression. and i found it amusing that lucy was telling me to chill while fanning me in the face with her hand. haha. thanks for the help, but i get really jittery when stress levels jump to extremes.

but, i am really grateful to the people that i trust and have around me in school. you know who you all are! :)

the only thing keeping me sane is that i am relieved that i settled everything i needed to before i fly off. and i am starting to use a NEW notebook to jot down my daily things-to-do list. surprise.

seriously, the macau trip is suppose to help me chill. and i hope i will get the chance to do so, and not still be so uptight. RETAIL THERAPY! heh. i have another assignment at hand, which is to draft out my who-i-shall-buy-stuff-for list. and for those i have promised.

surgery in 5 days. counting down.

give me a reason to believe in you,
deon.

i'm bleeding.

2007-08-25T03:53:00.000-07:00

my heart is torn.

you tore it apart.

tickle me much.

2007-08-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

hello everyone.

sorry for the lag in updates. DUE to some sensitivity issues.

BUT, i'm back! anyways, i realised that you can search for my blog on google.com, try 'deon lee + blogspot', and you will find my blog link on the 4th option! THRILLING isnt it. not.

anyways, that was dedicated for people who have been trying desperately to track down my blog link.

the past few days can be summarised into: harry potter, eating, IOP and the new transfer student fron RUSSIA - natasha khan.

YES! IOP is over and i think i sort of nailed it, just hope i did better than my mock (24/30). bjc was rather impressed, so i hope a 26/30 isnt far from reach! no worries gen, you did well!

and i have finally ended my adventure with harry potter after the 7th book. and NO, i am not going to cry like the whiny girl who sobbed hysterically after she bought the 7th book at borders the day it was released. it was her miserable attempt to get her 5 seconds of fame on national news, with people watching her CRY.

i must say, in my anxiousness to finish book 6 and 7 in one go, i was glancing through the books, more than actually reading it. so everything seems blur, but the whole picture is still there. and there were even cooler spells this time round. and the fun parts were snatching book 7 from ben seah to read. haha. :)

i've been eating like a dinosaur. especially on charity cafe day. no doughnuts though.

and have you met the new transfer student in our school from RUSSIA? she's called natasha tresslyn lucy khan zeng. i know its a long and mouthful name, but she has a model built, like VERY VERY tall. and thats about it. nothing about waistline shall be mentioned. but she's a very lovely girl. :)

principal forum today, saw many familiar faces! custodian day was awesome - cleaned 5 toilets in one go, and cleaned most of the sec 4 classrooms. nick eng was pretty fun to work with, especially with cleaning toilets! and ben chia is an anti-custodian person. tsk. HAHA :)

and LUCY said weird stuffs to me today. HMMM.

plaster me to you?

i'll bandage you to me,
deon.

bring it on.

2007-08-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

THE MORE YOU TRY TO BRING ME DOWN,

THE MORE I WILL RESIST,
THE MORE I WILL FIGHT BACK,
THE MORE I WILL STAND ON MY OWN.

BUT I HAVE FRIENDS WHO WILL STAND BY ME. AND I KNOW THAT.

SO BRING IT ON,
deon.

hurt never manifested itself more.

2007-08-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

today,

2 important people in my life left me.

one will be coming back in a year's time.

the other probably never.

who knew parting would be so difficult? perhaps i had taken for granted each others presence, thinking that we'll always be there for each other.

have i not earned the right to miss you after almost 6 months?

i will miss the times we shared our dreams, our hopes, our feelings, our thoughts, our opinions, our everything.

but at the same time, i wish to bottle up all my emotions and feelings, freeze all its contents and bury the bottle in the deepest region of my heart, where i will never want to look at it again and that it never be dug up.

i'll learn to stop crying, learn to be strong, and learn to forget about you.

i promised i wont cry on the phone, but i did, silently. letting my tears roll down without you knowing, masquarding an out-burst of emotions and tears as a cough. i didnt want to put down the phone, i wanted the conversation to go on and on for as long as possible. i kept stalling for time and things to say, because i know it is the last time we'll ever talk on the phone again.

30th june. the last day i met you. if i knew it was the last time i was ever going to see you again, i would have hugged you so close, kissed you so badly, teased you so gently, hold your hands so warmly, and most importantly, cry silently behind your back knowing it would be the last time that i can do all these.

now i wake up every morning, with no motivation. no one to look forward to share the day with.

you were great.

but i'll move on.

how long will it take? 1 month, 2 months, 1 year? i dont know. but i will keep going forward. i will channel my energy to another outlet, where you will be forgotten.

"it only takes a few seconds to inflict a wound upon someone, but it will take many years for the wound to heal"

time will heal the wounds, i know it will. and God i pray that you will take this pain away, take it far far away.

so to all my friends, i sincerely apologise if i may appear moody or zonked out in school, i would really appreciate your understanding and patience.

one thing for sure, i wont be as cheerful or hyper as before. because hurt is manifesting itself in me.

dont ask, dont tell.

i love you,
deon.

shop till you drop.

2007-08-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

hello everyone.

the activities that happened over the past 2 days can be summarised as: RETAIL THERAPY!

ying han and hongwei had a stayover at my place for 2 nights and 2 days, and we spent 2 whole days, shopping, eating, shopping, eating, shopping, eating, shopping, eating, OK, basically you get the point.

and i am the clear WINNER of all the shopping sprees we had! i bought 11 shirts within 2 days. haha. :) i swear we had so much fun and i have lots of insider jokes. i'm very glad that they came over and spent time with their old friend. the next stay-over i will make sure SAM and DAXIAN will turn up.

thank god for the long break, i think everyone deserves a good break. and i spent 2 days out of the 5 day-break SHOPPING. woots. gotta start on my work already.

anyways, one-acs was quite alright. was sweating like mad, but i enjoyed being in the council uniform. it was as bad as i imagined. got shouted by liu yi AGAIN for being late. wtf. i really hate being late, but the sad thing is that a lot of factors contributing to my late-ness is not within my control, like the causeway traffic jam. ~~fuck.~~

had to impose on sean after the national day celebrations, went to his place for a swim, lunch and SIMS 2! anyways, sean hates the pool, dont ask me why. haha :)

speaking of SIMS 2, i found some super cool cheats, and i intend to start playing it again. heh. and apparently, sean and i created a virtual sims character known as F.M.G.D, who is the direct opposite from the real life version of her. we had a great time ~~screwing up~~ managing her life. and YES, we tried many ways of killing the sims character F.M.G.D, like drowning her in a pool, setting her on fire from the bbq pit, be devoured by flies, and freezing her to death out in the cold winter. in short: driving her to insanity.

i'm gonna go play my SIMS 2 now. :)

i dropped till i shopped,
deon.

running away from everything.

2007-08-07T06:18:00.000-07:00

first i must say HAPPY BIRTHDAY ~~SLART~~ PAUL!! may all your wishes come true.

and now my mum believes that i have a friend by the name of S-L-A-R-T, pronounced as LART, with a silent 's'. i bet she was dumb-founded when i told her this 'name' of my friend. HAHA. but the icing was done with: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SLART.

she came back and asked me why my friend had such a weird name. oops.

anyways, x-country was alright. vip was supposed to park at our side, turned out that he figured a way to get to somewhere near the track, parked there and walked all the way there by himself. minor screw-up.

caught up with john, sean, lucy who diligently turned up for x-country. and lucy was uberly sweet cos she did a card personally for paul, and even bought chocolates. (hint paul: beware! *sings nelly furtado's maneater*). we didnt cut the cake, but most importantly we showed paul the icing!

i must say that the comments made by the commentators at x-country was rather amusing and WEIRD.

pault: "Look at how cute those running dogs are! *points."
2 seconds later,
pault: "By dogs i do not mean the students who are running. I am refering to REAL dogs."

how random.

plus there were many other funny and out-of-place comments too. did 5 hours of duty altogether, was totally flustered and exhausted at the end. i totally felt like a babysitter looking after the year 1-4's, stopping them from buying stuff at 7-11, chasing them back to the main area, preventing their escapes, etc.

seriously, the year 3 and 4's give like the most trouble. and most of them have attitude problems. argh, but thank god for the group of prefects i worked with. they took instructions well and were very diligent in their duties (well, most of the time). *claps. :)

bought accessories for my ipod video! i still havent opened the clear plastic wrapping of my ipod video box. haha. i got myself the ipod leather cover, protective film, and the hard-cover and silicon cover that sort of imitates the U2 design. went to borders, got harry potter book 7. and lemony snicket's autobiography.

and SPECIAL THANKS to woan tyng who decided to SPAM my tagboard with a total of 19 posts in one go. seriously i dont think thats a very wise world record to break my dear.

haha. :)

COOKIE!

face it bravely,
deon

sail the winds.

2007-08-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

disturbing news: you SHOULDNT know about my blog. GO AWAY.

anyways, sat was rather fun! went out with my family and my cousin's family (from canada) for a yatch ride.

apparently, my dad has intentions to get a yatch, some guy is offering one to him at a reasonable price. and he has already taught of a NAME for it, its named after my mum. how sweet. :)

haha. i'll name my first car after you.

the idea of having a yatch at the family's disposal thrills me, but at the same time, going on yatch rides almost every sunday, and not having enough time to do work scares me too.

but its HOT. ~~imagine making out on the yatch.~~ so BUY BUY BUY! and yes, i'll bring you special people on board, you all know who you are!

ohhh. i also did kayaking with my cousin, and watching my sis and my counsin's sister paddle was hilarious, cos they were both paddling in opposite directions. how retarded.

sunday is my sleep day, so i happen to disrupt the council web message chain, oops.

lame joke of the day:
whats the remedy for sun-burn?
.
..
...
....
.....
go bask in moon-light.

YES, i finished my written commentary!

yay me (quote paul),
deon.

quotable quote.

2007-08-03T20:57:00.001-07:00

"Show me someone who never gossips, and i'll show you someone who isnt interested in people"

-Barbara Walters.

dont you dare point your finger at me,
deon.

come a little closer.

2007-08-03T08:44:00.000-07:00

Choir & Guitar FOA WAS A BLAST!

as a council today, we did lots of silly stuff, but it was super fun. we lined up in a row, and started to do the 'miss universe' hand-waving motion at mrs cho, when she was reserving her car to leave after FOA. she wound down the window and said, "thank you, i am so touched!"

that totally cracked the whole council up. and people were staring too. haha. :)

and we found a dead baby lizard in the council room. that place seriously needs some revamping!

got to talk to you today, was really cool. i was surprised that i was so calm throughout all the time. and glad you took the cookie when i offered it to you. :)

come a little closer, will you?

i need more,
deon.

ugly truth.

2007-08-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

ok. i am staring blankly into the computer screen trying to recall what happened throughout the day. basically, i'm A BLOGGING ZOMBIE at the moment.

anyways, it was a rather 'appear to be busy, but not actually so' day. BUT, it was terribly LONG, with council meeting ending at 7.30. the crux about today's post isnt about how bitchy i was today, neither is it about the things i did.

it's about the pep talk with liu yi today that made me realised and understand the UGLY truth that i found it hard to swallow. he was asking me about how i found life in acsi so far, and i told him frankly that things have changed since the start of the year.

i've found a closer clique of friends, not going around to know as many people as before ( i swear i know more than half the cohort by face and name), but i would never pass up any chance to get to know someone new. IN FACT, its quite the contrary, cos i end up introducing lucy to people that she doesnt know. haha. ~~sounds like some match-making service~~.

so liu yi was telling me about how different the school cultures were, considering the fact that i was from hwa chong previously (those who dont know should go shoot yourself). and YES, i do believe that the school cultures are totally different and very drastic indeed. and i found it hard to settle down, even after 8 months of schooling, because i was brought up in another school culture.

the acs culture (to me) places more emphasis on FUN, LAUGHTER, PEACE and JOY. whatever makes the students happy, and they tend to make jokes out of almost everything that they can lay their minds on. sometimes, going to the extent, whereby they fail to understand the seriousness of certain situations and implications, which i feel is not appropriate.

i really do love the school, and i enjoy coming to school because of my friends and teachers (with the exception of RC and TN), and the acs culture is something i really need more time to embrace. i know i am making the effort.

liu yi also told me that some people were shocked that i got into council, cos they thought that i wasnt deserving enough and kinda went up to him to question him about how i got into council. it's sad to know that people doubt you, but at the same time it makes you stronger, because you want to prove to them that you're placed there for a purpose.

i really thank those who supported me throughout the council selection. i really do. i honestly was appaulled by the fact that i got in, but am still thankful for the chance.

so liu yi feedbacked to me that i wasnt very well-received by the ruggers (no surprise), because they thought that i was different and that they just dont like me. i wasnt surprised cos i've noticed the looks they give me all the time.

its painful, but i have to learn to deal with the fact that i cant please everyone, neither can i make everyone like me. in the end i told myself, i have to make these 2 years worthwhile, because i took a really BIG leap of faith to come to acsi, while i could have stayed in my own comfort zone in hcjc and yet the thrill and excitement of having great memories of this school tells me that this change of environment is worth it.

i really want to look back after 2 years, on prom night and find the reason to shed tears because of the memories, the friendships forged, the times spent together and most importantly, that i made the right choice to come to acsi.

i am beautiful, no matter what they say, cos words cant bring me down.

stay strong,
deon.

the best prize is always a surprise.

2007-07-30T21:25:00.000-07:00

BIG surprise.

i'm shocked by my dad's initial reaction that he's considering the fact of letting me stay in s'pore, rather than travel back home everyday. he said he hasnt promised me anything yet, so i shouldnt get my hopes too high. but i am glad that the first step has been taken.

because i didnt go to school today (down with a fever), mom insists that i go view the apartment with her today. sigh. i've been falling ill very often these days, and the cause is that i sleep really late almost every night, up doing work. all the travelling makes it worse.

so i hope once i get to move out, things will be better.

and NO, i do not enjoy skipping school. i am NOT ~~woman A~~ who gets to enjoy her own policy of 2-working day per week scheme instead of the govn's 5-day. reason for her not coming to school: ~~my boyfriend cheated on me with my best girly friend, so my heart broke, it needs time to heal~~ she just doesnt feel well. come on people, dont be so harsh on her, give her a break! haha. :)

ugh. i dont feel well either. i'm such a bitch. :)

grant me my wish,
deon

kids, they all grow up so fast

2007-07-28T10:15:00.000-07:00

thanks to RUI-AN, who just commented that my new blog reminds him of my failed attempts to blog in sec 2.

it's hilarious now that i think of it. cos i used to blog in a weird manner: my posts on the blog had to be PERFECT. with all the nitty-gritty details that i couldnt miss out, and the smiley faces which i had to standardise. i ended up NOT posting them, and majority of them were saved as drafts. haha.

i tried all sorts of things to make my blog interesting, like add funny pictures that didnt make sense, and tried desperately to link what was in the pictures to what i was going to blog about in my sec 2 life. it was really bad now that i think of it. haha, but great experience though.

if it wasnt for ruian, i wouldnt have been exposed to blogging, heh. i still remember that he created my blogger acct for me, and the password was 'maoyang' (dont try, its not going to work now), then we changed it to 'maomaoyang'. totally retarded and wicked!

*sidenote: boo. rui an's very tall now. taller than i am. -.-

that was all in sec 2, and time really flies. we grow up so quickly, losing a lot along the way while we struggle to act and grow beyond our age.

just got home from a party at my uncle's place, where we celebrated the birthdays' of 4 of my cousins. i looked at them and thought to myself: WOW, they're x-year old now?

and its heartening and sad at the same time to know that they all grow up so fast. i miss the times when i was still carrying them in my arms. here's what my cousins are like now:

andy's in aussie studying now, completed his a's last year.
alex's in TP year 2 - business course.
deon's doing IB, graduating next year. (fyi, this is me)
diann's having her o's in oct. (my sis)
desmond is sec 4 now.
eugene is sec 2 - bukit panjang govn high and getting rounder each day. haha.
ming-ming is doing her PSLE in oct.
shin-ler's primary 3/4 (unsure, need to go check)
joshua's primary 2 now.
su'er is primary 1.
adele is 6 this year.
xin'er is 2 years old, and uberly cute.

12 in total. i love them all.

my friend was telling me not to grow up so fast, because its not right. but i realised i had no choice, it was either evolve or die, i had to learn how to handle school politics, i had to learn to stand on my own, i had to learn so many things that had taken most of my teenage years away.

how i long to be able to embrace the child-likeness i used to have, do the silly things like i did in sec 2, look forward to going to school and spending every weekend with the family.

kids, we all grow up too fast.

bring them back,
deon

i like you.

2007-07-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

i told her i like her a lot.

i cant believe i took so long to tell her.

i'm happy that she's just friends with him.

be mine,
deon

DIE bitch.

2007-07-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

namada c. has the BIGGEST mouth in the entire school.

and an OVER-POWERING libido for gossips about other people.

~~they should put a bullet through her.~~

note: it's an anagram, go figure. its really easy.

you're a gossipy bitch,
deon

lack of chemistry

2007-07-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

hello people.

thanks to all those who showed my concern about my eye injury! i know its really retarded to be able to cut your eye with soft lens. BUT it does happen! so BEWARE all contact-lens users!

and the cut is something like a paper cut. so you can IMAGINE the PAIN. ouch.

anyways, today was a pretty short day, got over my bloody chemistry test. i was surprised by the fact that with my-last-min-mugging, i still managed to understand the questions of the test, and manage to complete ALL of them, BUT screwed them up with silly mistakes due to the lack of understanding of the concepts. wtf.

and TN conveniently pin-pointed people about the silly mistakes they made in the test, i was one of them, but something hilarious happened.

TN: deon! qns 4 is a give-away question, and you got ZERO for it! how is that possible? Bond energies require you to add them up, and yet you subtracted the values!

Deon: Sir, is it only qns 4b) ZERO, or the whole thing is ZERO marks?

TN: THE WHOLE THING IS ZERO.

Deon: ...

TN: WAIT! 4a) is correct, 4b) is ZERO.

Deon: *phew. "..."

and i agree with sean, he shouldnt have read ou the names of the people who he found mistakes with in the test paper. its kinda degrading. but as he puts it: he is FRUSTRATED with us.

i MIGHT get a border-line pass for the chem test if i am lucky. oh-well.

ended the day with council meeting. its gonna be a madness of council duties from next week onwards. FOA, UNIFORM DAY, X-COUNTRY, ONE-ACS..

i'm looking forward to ONE-ACS. and yes, i love wearing the council uniform. haha. :)

i'm tied down, i dont know how to solve the problem between us. you're not helping either. like i said, its not about me, neither is it about you, its about US.

god i pray things will turn out fine please,
deon

a wasteful day.

2007-07-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

the doctor says its abrasion of the conjunctiva.

:(

mugging for chem test throughout the night.

mugging,
deon.

an eye for an eye

2007-07-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

OUCH.

i cut my right eye with my contact lens, and i feel retarded about it. i guess i was rubbing my eye unknowingly with rather brute force, and it caused my right eye to turn really red, and it now has a small cut between the pupil and conjunctiva. IT FREAKING HURTS ALRIGHT.

the worst thing was that i started to panic when i saw the cut, i totally freaked out, called my mum on the phone and sounded as though i was going blind. TRIED to go to several eye specialist clinics, but they were closed. wtf.

ended up getting some crappy anti-bacterial eye drop from the pharmacy and have no choice but to go see the doc the next morning. note: this is not my plan to pon school alright.

i rather go to school and fail that chem test, THAN to lose my eyesight for eternity. HMM, actually it might be a good thing too, cos i wouldnt have to look at RC and TN. ~~looking at them burns my eyes~~ (as sean puts it) haha.

CONGRATS to sean, john and paul (~~plus mary e.chong~~) for making it into the debates SEMI's! and apparently class 5.12 is carrying out a rotational basis to skip john tan's class.

honestly, i feel sad for him. but probably after a few more years in the teaching realm, hopefully he will wisen up. HOPEFULLY.

today was a 'ALRIGHT' day. no major screw-ups. australian maths was UGH. i started to shade random circles after qns 14 onwards. haha.

i believe we are so deprived of recesses. sadd.

5 MISERABLE people turned up for the chinese a2 extra lesson today. but was happy that mr zhang praised me for my work. *claps. ~~i still owe him my assignment.~~ Oops.

after school, i had retail therapy at POPULAR bookstore, bought my collection of coloured files. YES, i colour-code my subjects, it makes things wayy easier. ask lucy why, i explained to her.

i just love the way i organise my stuff. :)

came home and had the cut-my-eye-with-contacts-incident. BOO. i am going to bed early to rest my eye.

OHH YEAH. ~~humiliating~~ ignoring fuzz with han an was SUPER fun today! lol. ask me for the juicy details!

ease the pain,
deon

brand-whore NOT

2007-07-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

agnes b: she speaks for herself: class & elegance

gucci: isnt she gorgeous? :)

i realised i have excess money from the science competitions i won previously, and the cheques for the prize money just got cashed. and its high time i rewarded myself.

it's a ~~moral~~ dilemma. my heart goes out to the gucci wallet. which one should i get?

*people, kindly comment in the tagboard! :)

i'm not a brand-whore alright. (thanks to woan-tyng who came up with this term)

i just need a decent wallet. haha.

indulgence,

deon

cheers can lift you up and also bring you down

2007-07-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

Cheers can lift you up and also bring you down.

the day started with chapel (as usual), and we ended up counting rice grains and measuring their sizes for bio prac. BORING. and we counted corns the last lesson. today was a pretty short day in school cos the council had to go for a cheering session for the cricket's finals.

OK. *takes deeep breath. fyi people, i am the CHEERING i/c for the student coucil, which basically means that i am in charge of organising and leading all the cheering sessions. the FIRST session for me as the i/c was SCREWED UP. i really flunked the whole thing so bad that i was feeling so down during the cricket's finals.

reasons:
1. i prepared the stuff we needed for cheering, but we didnt have banners cos daniel decided to loan the banners to the prefects cos they needed it too. and it was also mentioned that there would not be space to place banners.

then suddenly, RJC appears with BANNERS, and i was taken aback and i believed this made the council somewhat feel inferior. but it didnt really dampen our spirits, although i felt really bad that i should have prepared more.

2. cricket is a WEIRD sports game (to me at least), cos we couldnt cheer most of the time, as cricket is what i call a silent sport, cos there were many quiet moments, and we also got instructions that we shouldnt burst into cheers as that would distract the players.

so cheering was really limited, and we could only do short ones each time.

3. as the cheering i/c, i was ineffective.

i failed to deliver and lead the council for cheers, cos i swear i was so freaked out because this is the first time i am doing cheers with the council, let alone lead them. and prawveen made a comment : the cheering really sucks. i was deeply affected by his comment, and i almost flared up / break down. but i know i couldnt do that as it would display my unprofessionalism and inability to handle the situation.

and yes, i realised self-sympathy is the worst form of sympathy ever.

lex took over and things started to get better, and also partly cos everyone was getting tired of being high about the match. ~~IT LASTED FOR 5 FREAKING HOURS.~~ NOPE, i am not complaining. :)

HURRAY, i am a cricket fan! (totally)

everyone got drowsy and tired of the match, so things just died down until the prize-giving ceremony when we cheered like mad for the cricket team. i feel bad for them, cos they won 2nd, and they really did put up a good fight against RJC at the start.

it was a great lesson learnt today for me as the cheering i/c. I'll BUCK UP. and i was EMO today. haha.

*sidenote: i am amazed by butler and lex's abilities to entertain themselves, they are a real joy to watch.

went out with bobbie and cheang jin for dinner (katong laksa!) and ended everything with a wonderful MERLIONSTER at BEN & JERRY'S!. yum yum. fyi, my favourite is cookie dough.

its exactly 30 mins more before my uncle's family arrives from at my place. its been 3 years since they came back from canada.

and the scary thing is that i heard that my cousin from canada is like REALLY BUFF now. apparently he's a tae-kwondo black-belt, which i knew long time ago. but he's like super BIG in size now. so yeah. freaky.

BUT BUT BUT, the thing i dread the most is that he might start speaking to me in some black men language, that goes: yo yo brother, check it out. whats up man, hows the air up there? ETC.

omfg. i swear i'll give the raise-eyebrow look, and then say: err.. hello?, in a british accent.

anyways, i am still excited to see my uncle's family, despite the fact that we are not close to each other.

long day ahead tmr, gotta start on my TOK draft (yes i know its very late), IOP (put my essay into ppt form), and chinese a2 work! (before chin siew moy goes berserk). YAWNs.

CAN ANYONE CONVINCE ME THAT ALL THESE ARE REALLY WORTH MY TIME?

cheer me up please,
deon

the first note.

2007-07-22T07:05:00.001-07:00

hello everyone.

you must think i am MAD. because i cannot believe that i am doing this either.

DEON IS BLOGGING?!?!

let's see, when was the last time i blogged was early 2005, till i got so busy and occupied with my most unfortunate sec 3 life that i stopped. well, the new motivation to blog, came from the fact that i realised that tons of things flash pass me everyday, and its hard to capture the memorable ones by memory, so penning them down would be best way to remember them. and its pretty fun when you look back on your previous posts, and start recalling all those memories that you have once misplaced because you are all so engrossed with your busy schedule of mugging and trying to get past life.

recently, i looked back on my previous posts that i wrote when i was in sec 3, and i started giggling (YES, giggle) to myself because i realised how silly i was at that point of time. things that i was unsure about at that point of time, and things i was ranting about, all suddenly seemed to portray themselves in a different light, as if i received enlightenment, providing me with the answers i was looking for.

IB is stressful, with so many things going on about in school everyday. i enjoy all the cool stuff i do with my classmates, the gossips we all share, and the silly and funny moments we all have that crack us up so bad, and i feel the urge and need to pen all these down so that they wont be lost.

fyi, i am NOT EMO, but the blog skin i chose seems to suggest so. the reason i chose this skin was because its simple, neat and has great colour coordination. the boy sitting under the tree (which i believe is the WISHING TREE), just tied in closely with what i was feeling when deciding whether to start a new blog again or not, and the many other choices to make in life.

and i really do hope i have the time to update, even if its just a one/two liners.

this is my place, my space, my spot.

hear me cry laugh scream rant,
deon