Sunday, December 30, 2007

if you want to be cool,
follow one simple rule,
dont mess with the flow,
stick to the status quo.

has it occured to you that being in a relationship comes with the status of 'being attached', and you are someone's 'girlfriend / boyfriend'? i know of people who are so obsessed with the idea of 'being attached', or having to find someone to be in their lives that they end up being desperate.

i dont believe in that.

what i understand is that, people so often get caught up with the pursuit of the status of being someone's girlfriend / boyfriend, that they end up losing the purpose and meaning of loving that person. loving someone doesnt require you to have a status, and it only serves to confuse things.

people spend time worrying about whether they are someone's girlfriend / boyfriend, and all these time could be put into good use in developing the relationship and bringing it to a whole new level. that being said is easier than it could be done.

at the same time, having the status of being someone's girlfriend / boyfriend, gives us the understanding and awareness that we belong to someone, and that i dont deny is a good, warm fuzzy feeling. haha. :)

i am really happy that i am yours.
___________________________________________________________________

i ask myself, why am i trying so hard?

once in a lifetime means there is no second chance.

i dont wish to look back many years down the road, and live to regret the fact that i did not love you hard enough.
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met up with edward to discuss tok essay over lunch at vilage -heeren, and had a tea session with john, sean and javier at coffee club, and finally dinner at manhattan's fish market with YOU.

haha. i ate a lot today. really a lot.

like i said, i love you and i will keep on doing that. :)

we belong together,
deon.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

it's a sad night tonight. the stars are crying too.

i cant help, but have tears roll down my cheeks.
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i vividly remember 2 years ago, when i was secondary 3 in 2005, during chinese lesson, mdm shieh asked us to debate over a particular topic, which was 'is it more fortunate to be loved by someone, or to love someone?'

my initial response was 'duh, anyone would know that it is more fortunate to be loved by someone, loving someone will only break your own heart'. and thus i structured my points accordingly and represented my side which was to support the stand that it is more fortunate to be loved.

i remember saying that, it is more fortunate to be loved because if you love someone, it could only be one-sided, in other words - unreflected love. and also that being loved by someone doesnt require any much effort from your side, because you're the one receiving it.

now that i think of it, it seems really selfish to say that it is more fortunate to be loved than to love someone, and it is all within us to take but not to give.

BUT, falling in love with YOU has made me realised the joy of loving someone, it is like i understood what loving someone meant, and like tim said, love is a commitment, love is not a feeling, it is not the warm fuzzy sensation we get in romantic movies. love is also a choice, and i've chosen you.

falling in love with YOU has given me a reason to wake up every morning feeling happy, knowing that i love you, and that you love me back too. falling in love with YOU has given me the strength to pull through the longest of days, and falling in love with YOU has also added excitement and joy into my life.

i rather love you than to be loved.
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i dont know if you feel this, but every time i gently carress your face, look you in the eyes and say i love you, i mean it so badly.

there's desire in these eyes.

and every time i walk pass you, i would always want to plant a kiss on the back of your neck. thats my way of telling you how much i adore you.

they say,
loving someone is like grabbing a bird in your hands.
if you grasp it too hard and tight, it will suffocate and die,
if you grasp it too gently and loose, it will fly away.

trust me, its not easy to find the balance.

at least i am learning to,
deon.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

come all ye faithful,
joyful and triumphant.
O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him,
Born the King of Angels.
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.
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xmas 07 has been a real blast! :)

plus the buildup to it was really fantastic. it started on 23rd with an outing with yinghan and hongwei, where we did shopping in town and had dinner at sushi tei.

as usual, their company was excellent because of all the laughter and 'corny-ness' they bring. the dinner also brought back many lower secondary school memories, about things such as E3-Circles (a study group we had, but failed miserably), the famous Political Pizza Hut (an exhibition that never materialised) and of course Ortussey - the school magazine we published for only ONE edition which later was stolen by a teacher and made into her own magazine.

oh well, the silly things we do in the younger days. haha. :)

somehow my mind was detached from their conversation during dinner, one part was engaging in it, the other was drifting away and visualising you in your kitchen baking away diligently.

thank you so much for the cakes, and the effort. they were really delicious. and i'm not just saying that because i love you.

i love you AND the cakes were delicious too. :) even grandma said they were good. hehe.
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24th morning and afternoon, was spent with javier, walking through town, getting last minute xmas gifts, such as joshua's HEAT BLAST from toy 'r' us, and of course YOUR gift.

had lunch at sun and moon japanese restaurant, and we are so going to bring all you peeps there for a meal next time! :)

rushed home for xmas party, and mum (as usual for every party) was freaking out, and demanding that i helped her with the xmas presents. i felt so accomplished after arranging all the xmas gifts (over a 100 one of them) under the xmas tree, and i also had to arrange them according to families which was such a chore. everyone could have rummaged through the tree to find their gifts, but i guess there wont be a tree after that.

invited tyng, eu ginn, adrian and zen kyn over for the party and the conversations we had were so raunchy that i will spare all you readers of the gory details of what were exchanged over dinner. thank god we had a table on our own.

was calling you between every hour interval, hoping to keep you company on xmas eve, especially when i wasnt there for you. haha. you teased me about the time difference each time my call wasnt on time. i swear my heart and my mind were on your side all the time. and they will always be.

party ended at 1 am, washed up around 2am, and stayed up till 3 plus working on your xmas card. this is the first time i've done such an elaborate job for a xmas card. i poured my heart and soul into it. i finally understood how it felt to give in love, not just receive, but to GIVE. and also how it felt to really wish that the person would appreciate the effort you put in.

just with simple smile or word of thank you, all the hard work will seem so worth it.
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from this point onwards, words cannot describe how i felt on xmas day itself and the xmas dinner we had together.

knock knock.
who's there?
shall be
shall be who?
shall be coming around the mountain as she comes.

:)

every moment was so magical. and i guess the best way to remember xmas 07, is to keep all the memories in my mind, replay them every once in a while and bask in the happiest moment of 2007 for me.

you bring tears of joy to me. thank you.

you keep me safe in a crazy world,
deon.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

hello all,

as most of you know, (i was refering to the close ones in my life) that i'll be moving to a new place soon, which is in newton.

today was the first time i officially stepped into the apartment, which will be co-shared by me and my sister. unfortunately, i got the smaller room, but i'll have no complains, especially since staying in singapore is already a huge perk that i am receiving.

the existence of the apartment comes with strings attached, and i would have to follow a set of rules and regulations set by my parents, enforced and monitored by my sister herself. talk about prison life. basically, i am anticipating curfews, and some domestic rules to comply to.

again, i am NOT complaining.

the pool is stunning, and you can see everything from the living room view. and the thing that got me really excited was the fact that the neighbourhood area is flooded with stalls selling local delicacies, not to mention that supermarkets are stone-throw far away in the shopping malls nearby.

i already have in mind what to do for house-warming: a rendition of minds cafe at my very own place! a night of board games with close friends, fun and laughter coupled with a pizza dinner. and of course to touch it up with a few drinks to get everyone spilling their guts in truth or dare.

only the hottest people in school gets invited. so watch out for it.

oh, which also reminds me of the council xmas party tomorrow night! and there will a gift exchange process. lol. EXCITING eh.

we'll be exchanging gifts during our xmas dinner. oh, will there be a misletoe? :)

i've fallen for your sweet embrace,
deon.

Monday, December 17, 2007

aaron-junyou is back, and we celebrated his home-welcoming with a buffet dinner and clubbing.

ok, honestly this is my 2nd OFFICIAL clubbing experience. in case you were wondering that i'm a clubbing whore. I'M NOT. the first was at maria kang's party (where no alcoholic drinks were served, they were pathetically substituted with soft drinks, and we had to collect our drinks using coupons), COUPONS - FOR GOD's SAKE, what are we, collecting rations for WWIII?

and the 2nd was with the usual gang - tyng, teck yew, eu ginn, adrian and me! at dolce. this time booze was present. :)

i was relatively sober, and i will not deny the fact that i was not fully aware of what i was doing. basically making loud noises and dancing wildly. grinding tyng and eu ginn was super funny, worked out pretty well too. :P

the night ended with teckyew being wasted and throwing up and him and eu ginn bunking at my place. apparently, eu ginn treats my place like a hotel, everything at his disposal. haha. :)

overall, it was a blast. but YOU were on my mind the whole night. every single second.
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i would give up all these partying for you, they dont mean a thing to me when we can spend the night being in each other's arms. i dont need to be grinding someone in a club, neither do i need to get all wasted to have fun. all i need is to be able to see you everyday, even if it is for a few seconds.

the walk along singapore river with you meant the whole world to me, for a moment i could feel that the world stopped spinning for the 2 of us, as if time froze at that perfect moment when the cool breeze took my breath away, so did you.

i want more of such moments with you. i crave them.

forgive me for being a silly boy in love.

XOXO S. & D.
deon.

Friday, December 14, 2007

world war III has just started. i heard it's in knee-socks.
choose your side or run and hide.

-gossip girl

just started on 3 episodes on the well-rated (by sean) drama show GOSSIP GIRL, caught 2 episodes while i was on the bus home. so you can imagine how long the bus ride was.

i must say i am slightly disappointed, it didnt pack as much punch as i expected it to, in short, the bitch-o-meter just isnt high enough. plus the characters are pretty shallow in terms of development, and the lines dont tickle me as much as other shows do. i agree with javier that the show is highly unrealistic - how is it possible for so many good-looking people to exist at the same time? haha.

maybe it's just the first 3 episodes, the fun hasnt really begun. i will keep watching.

although i really like the idea of the invisible 'gossip girl' who dishes all the dirt from her pov. now she's the funny one.

XOXO gossip girl. :)
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i heard some not-so-good news about a close friend today, apparently he's got a rather nasty reputation with the people who dont really know him that well. and if you have ever experienced this, it sucks having to defend that person in front of someone who is dishing out on him.

the feeling just isnt pleasant, as much as you try to believe that you know your friend well enough, and deny that whatever you have heard that very second is not true based on the fact that you think you know him well enough.

the keyword here is THINK. you THINK you know him well enough, maybe you just dont.

oh well, we all shouldnt let vicious rumours and GOSSIP get the better of us. people talk all the time, and we just cant stop them from yaking away, all we can do is to have a clear conscience and if possible go kick their ass-es

one thing i've learnt, is to NOT take what people say at face-value, always keep it at the back of your mind, but never take everything to heart. because for all you know, they could be lying.

we're all liars in a way or another.

xoxo,
deon.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

it's unbelievable to see such determination and seriousness oozing out of a 17 year old boy, who has barely seen the world, and let alone talk about falling in love.

i know for sure that it is only you that i want, i need and i desire. but i keep thinking if i am able to satisfy your needs, guess it's really hard to tell.

i would give up so much, just to spend 1-on-1 time with you.

dont play games, i'm not up for it, neither do i have the stakes to play.

the stakes are too high, there's too much at risk.

there's no safety net to catch me.
if i fall, i will crash and burn. literally.

blessing in disguise,
deon.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

thank you for giving me an A+ for effort.

you give me reason,
deon.

ever notice when someone checks you out on the train or the bus, you stay composed and calm, showing no interest at all?

No, its not your attempt for trying to be monogamous.

you know you wont be tempted, neither will your faith waver, because you know your heart already belongs to that special someone in your life.

the only person you want to be crazy on orchard road with. :)
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the day was spent hanging out with JERRY, an old friend from hci at starbucks, chatting about the things that are happening and the things that happened before i left that school. also got to hear things about some old friends i havent met for the longest of time.

lunch was settled at pepperlunch, dropped by Bibi and Baba, Kinokuniya and finally ended the meeting with JERRY at coffee club, while chilling with the chocolate fondue.

apparently, it's been a year since we were eating chocolate fondue there. a blink of an eye, a year has passed, and i am pretty sure next year will pass even faster.

so i made a pact with JERRY, that we'll be meeting again next year, around the same time for the same chocolate fondue feast that binds our friendship together. it was really great fun hanging out with him, and hearing about his obsession with the SAF scholarship.

a trip to MINDEF and this is what you get. haha.

whoever said you needed everyone to be your friend? a few close ones will always be enough, and you all know who you are. :)

met han an, john and gen at X-ZONE, ended up with para-para again. and eventually was chilling out at TCC, listening to all the horror ghost stories that acsi has to offer and some latest school gossips. *winks at gen.

which reminds me of gareth's birthday lunch tmr. :)
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i'm sorry for all that i'm not which you wish i could be. i really am.

i do try really hard though,
deon.

Monday, December 10, 2007

what is love?

here's what i feel about love:

one day, while reading a book, a little boy came across the word 'love' and he asked his teacher a question in class.

boy: "teacher, what is love?"

teacher: "you want to know what love is eh? well.. do me a favour, run along to the grass field outside and pick the most beautiful flower you can find and bring it back to me. you can only pick one flower each time, and you are not allowed to turn back to retrieve a flower you've missed."

teacher: "now run along my dear."

the boy went out the grass field, in search of the most beautiful flower he could find, and the one he thought would be the one he would want to keep to himself.

and when he finally came back..

teacher: "oh my, why didnt you come back with anything?"

boy: "that's because each time when i thought i found the most beautiful flower, i looked up and i saw more flowers further up the grass field. i was tempted to move on and check them out. the same thing happened again when i kept moving through the grass field, and i just could not lay my hands on any flowers, because i saw more flowers along the way and they were so tempting."

boy: "plus you said i couldnt turn back to the flowers i've passed, and sometimes when i've moved on, i realised that the flower i chose to give up was actually much prettier than the one i was standing next to now."

teacher: "now that is love my dear, it disappears the moment when you arent paying attention, you pass by it unknowingly until you finally look back and realised that you've missed out on the love of your life. and when you think you've found the most beautiful person to be with, you will always look for something better, just like how you spotted more flowers up the grass field, discarded the flower which you thought was the most beautiful and moved on, just only to be too late to realise that you've gave up on the person you should have been with."

teacher: "love is all about being contented and happy with what you already have, treasuring every single moment you have with the person you've always wanted to be with, that's when you know you mean it when you say i love you to that special someone."

i'm contented, are you?

i love you,
deon.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

is loving someone supposed to feel like that?

so afraid of losing them,
pondering over if you have made the right choice to entrust them with your heart,
fearing they will cease to love you,
wondering if they think of you as much as you think of them,

is this how it is supposed to feel like? someone enlighten me please.

note to self and readers: i'm not trying to be as emo as leon fu, *recalls his composition.

it's just that all these 4 thoughts are bursting right through me every single moment, running through every fiber of my body, pounding my heart non-stop.

oh no.
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the retail therapy worked out better than expected, because it was supposed to be 'all-about-sean' day, (HAHA! :), but i managed to get things that i needed for myself.

15% off beatlebug products if you're a student!

the day spent walking along orchard road was splendid, good company and good weather too. stopped to refuel every now and then.

went on sean's bag hunt, and we'll be finally getting it on friday. LOL.
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your message went: 'i'm at river island, 2nd floor'.

i searched everywhere for you, the whole mall, asked for directions but just couldnt find the shop.

i texted you back: 'i will find you, trust me'.

i called for more directions, you thought i was about to give up the search.

i texted you back: 'i dont give up, not that easily. i wont give up on you. i promise.'

what a big promise to make, i told myself. but i've already taken the plunge. i already did.

it finally occured to me that you might not be in the same mall as i was, silly me.

i ran with all my might to you.

it's you, i know it's you. and sorry for being mushy. haha.

pick me, choose me, love me,
deon.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Men are not made monogamous but we can DAMN well try.

help me see you,
deon.

[Deon.xoxo]

[i.CRY.in.the.rain.because.no.one.can.tell]
[i.LAUGH.like.there's.no.tomorrow]
[i.SCREAM.to.let.everything.bottled-up.out]
[i.RANT.about.my.all-so-wonderful.life]


[i.want.YOU.to.hear.me.CRY.LAUGH.SCREAM.RANT]
[i.want.my.personal.wishing.tree]
[i.want.you.to.LOVE.me]


affizul
alex low
andrew.tay
asyikin
david.lai
edmund cheong
jlc
leon f.
mervyn
orion
paul.chups
sarina
tim.lim
tyng





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